Bridesmaid Lotto Read online

Clapping, cheering, clapping, cheering.

  “And last, but certainly not least, our last winner is…”

  Calla sat up a little straighter.

  “… Josephine McMaster!”

  Calla gasped. My mouth dropped open.

  “Oh my God, it’s you,” she said, a little squeaky.

  “Please. There’s got to be about a hundred Josephine McMaster’s in this city.”

  “Once again here are the names of the winners of the Bridesmaid Lotto,” the reporter said. “…Miss Rebecca Singleton!”

  A photo that looked like it could be the head shot of a model popped onto the screen.

  “…Miss Bobbi Lynn Mayfield!”

  This time the photo was a girl in pigtails, standing in a field of wheat. In Daisy Dukes.

  “…Miss Jennifer Wilson!”

  A picture of a girl proudly winning a tennis trophy came up.

  “…And Miss Josephine McMaster.”

  My high school yearbook photo plastered the screen.

  Not a good moment to have a mouth full of Häagen-Dazs. It took about a half a second for me to spray it all over the TV.

  ~ 2 ~

  Calla and I stared at each other, silent. I think she could tell by my ice cream reaction that I was as shocked as she was.

  The phone rang. Neither of us moved. Our mouths still hung open.

  “If you are one of these four girls, you will be hearing from us very soon,” Emma VanHorn was saying on the TV. “I hope you all are as excited as we are.”

  I finally closed my mouth and shook my head. But how?

  The phone rang again. This time I picked it up.

  “Hello?”

  There was nothing but an old lady scream from the other end.

  I took a deep breath. “Mother? What have you done?”

  “Oh Josephine,” she said from the other end of the line. “It’s fate! I just knew you had to be in that lottery.”

  “What have you done?”

  My shock was wearing off slightly and the anger was starting to kick in. Calla was still sitting motionless on the couch, spoon in midair between her own Häagen-Dazs and her mouth.

  “Well, obviously I entered you,” she said, excited.

  “Mom! That is a huge violation. You knew I didn’t want to be in that lotto!

  “Well honey, if I left everything up to you, I might never get any grandchildren.”

  “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,” I said frantically. “I can’t believe you’ve done this to me.”

  “What? You should be thanking me. You won Josephine. Don’t you realize that you’ve won?”

  The call waiting beeped. “Oh my God mother. You are unbelievable. You don’t actually think I’m going to play along with this whole charade do you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m not going to be a stupid Bridesmaid.”

  “Of course you are dear. You won out over a hundred thousand women.”

  “I don’t care. I am not putting myself through that kind of humiliation!”

  The call waiting beeped again.

  “Why would it be humiliating?” she asked.

  “Oh my God. It’s like being a contestant on the Bachelor or something. Talk about desperate.” I couldn’t believe that nobody was getting that.

  I turned toward Calla for support. Her spoon still hung in midair, but now she was staring directly at me.

  “Oh honey, these are desperate times. And desperate times call for desperate measures.”

  “What desperate times?” I yelled.

  “Well dear, your next birthday is approaching. You don’t want to go another year without any marriage prospects.”

  “Oh my God.”

  “Besides, you are a beautiful woman. Anyone would be happy to have you in their wedding party.”

  “I don’t care. There is no way you are going to convince me to do this.”

  Call waiting started going again, not helping my anxiety level at all.

  “You have to do it Josie,” Calla piped in from the couch. Apparently she was finally regaining her ability to function.

  “What? You too?” I said.

  “Don’t worry dear. I anticipated the fact that you might be a little… difficult about this. So I’ve come up with a compromise.”

  “I’m not interested.”

  “Hear me out,” she said. “You know how you’ve been talking about getting out of the city to clear your head and rejuvenate?”

  I sighed. “Yeah.”

  Actually I had been saving for my dream vacation for five years, and getting more and more burned out as every day passed. The plan was Italy and Greece, see the sights and lay on the beach. You know, pretty much heaven.

  “Well, if you agree to do this, I will pay for your vacation.”

  I was momentarily stunned silent. I’d been hinting for years for her to help me with my vacation fund. In fact, I had flat out said that I didn’t want gifts for my birthday or Christmas, just a little money for my trip. But no, she kept giving me a bunch of useless crap like candles and scented soaps and hideous clothes.

  “You would pay for the whole thing.”

  “Yes.”

  “For a three week vacation?”

  “Yes.”

  Calla’s eyes were growing wide. She knew how much I had been dying to go on that trip and that I would do almost anything to get there. She began to nod at me frantically.

  I sighed. “I’ll think about it.”

  The call waiting was really starting to get on my nerves.

  “I have to go.”

  “Wonderful, have a wonderful sleep my dear. Sweet dreams of that handsome movie star.”

  I hung up the phone without saying goodbye, or answering the call waiting.

  It rang anyway, the second I pushed the button. I turned off the ringer and sat down. Calla had put her ice cream down.

  “Oh my God, Josie,” she said. “I can’t believe you actually won!”

  “I didn’t want to enter,” was all I could say. I felt like a zombie, too many thoughts running through my head.

  “But you won!”

  “I know.” But really, it hadn’t sunk in.

  “And your mother’s going to pay for your trip!”

  I looked up at her. “If I do it,” I reminded her.

  “Josie! You have to do it!” she said in a squeaky voice. “You can’t just throw away an opportunity like this.”

  “Opportunity? More like a freak show.”

  “Josie, you’re out of your mind. I can’t believe you’re not excited about this. You’re going to meet Jake Hall!”

  I’d almost forgotten about that part. I hate to admit it, but a tiny wave of excitement zipped through me. Which was quickly followed by a much larger sense of dread.

  “God, I want to go to Europe so badly though.” The wheels were definitely turning. Of course my stomach was also definitely churning with the decision I faced. Life was so much simpler ten minutes ago.

  “Exactly,” Calla said. “And remember, Jake Hall.” She practically sung the words.

  “I can’t seriously do this.”

  “Josie! Of course you can. You have to promise to tell me every single, tiny detail of everything wedding related.”

  “But what about work?”

  “What about work? People are Bridesmaids all the time and it doesn’t interfere with their work. And it’s not like you’ll have to buy anything. I’m sure the dresses will be taken care of. Oh my God, the dresses. Oh Josie! You’re going to look so amazing!”

  Ugh. “You know how much I hate wearing dresses,” I reminded her.

  “But I don’t know why. You look so good in them.”

  “Pfft. Whatever.”

  “So… are you going to do it? It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.” She was bouncing up and down on the couch and clasping her hands.

  “Why does everybody keep using that word? It certainly doesn’t feel like an opportunity.”

&n
bsp; “Well, even if you don’t think so, at the very least, you’ll be going on your trip once you’re done.”

  “I wonder how long this is all going to take. I hope they aren’t going to have, like a three year engagement or something.”

  “Oh right, I guess they haven’t set a date yet, have they?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I’ll do it?” I said, phrasing it more like a question than a statement.

  “Yes!” Calla yelled. She jumped up and gave me a big hug. “I’ll help you with whatever you need.”

  “You’ll have to. I’ll never get through this without your help, especially if my mother’s got her nose in it. Oh God. She’s going to have her nose in it isn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “Crap.”

  “But don’t worry. I’ll get you through it. The only thing you’ll have to worry about is how not to let yourself get a big head.”

  “Thanks a lot,” I said and shoved her lightly.

  “You think I’m kidding, but every girl in this city is going to be jealous of you. Imagine what that will do to your ego.”

  “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Remember, I’m the biggest dork on the planet.”

  “Well, not quite the biggest,” she said. “Seriously though, I was totally thinking about this when I was hoping I would win.”

  “Really, you were really that excited about it?”

  “It’s the only thing I’ve thought about since we heard the announcement.”

  “Really? Shit, I’m so sorry it wasn’t you. You deserve it so much more than me.”

  “Oh shush. That’s not true and you know it.”

  I shook my head. “Wow. I’m really gonna do this,” I said.

  Calla nodded and flashed me a huge smile.

  “I think I need to go to bed. I can’t believe I have to go to work tomorrow. Oh geez, everyone’s going to be hassling me to no end.”

  # # #

  The next morning I woke up unsure if it wasn’t all a dream. But as I made my way to the door and reached for my morning paper, it hit me again. Like a sucker punch.

  I stared up at myself from page one.

  “Front page. Christ. Why couldn’t she at least have found a halfway decent picture,” I groaned to myself.

  I dreaded walking out the front door. The answering machine was blinking the number fifteen. Ugh. Fifteen messages. I pretended they didn’t exist as I sipped my coffee.

  I’d never felt so exposed as I did on my way to work. People everywhere were staring and pointing and double checking their newspapers as I passed. I couldn’t believe what a spectacle this whole Bridesmaid Lotto thing had become. I’d kind of hoped that once the announcement was made, the city would stop obsessing about it all.

  Wrong.

  “Hello Miss Famous,” Matt said as I stepped into the office.

  “Hi Mattie,” I said. “And very funny.”

  “What do you mean funny?” he said. “You’re on the front page of the paper. Of course you’re famous. And this is only the beginning!”

  “Ugh. Don’t tell me that.”

  “And why didn’t you tell me you were entering,” he scolded. “You can imagine how stunned I was, telling all my friends how perfect you’d be, but refused to enter, and then there you were. Staring at is from TV land. I swear, I nearly lost it, it was so embarrassing.”

  “You were embarrassed? How would you like to have your ugly, mug-shot-lookin’ yearbook photo plastered all over the TV, not to mention on every street corner in the city?”

  “Oh yeah, real tough. You know I’d die to be on the front page of the paper! What I wouldn’t give to be the one hobnobbing with the rich and famous.”

  “Maybe it’ll all die down in a few days,” I said, hopeful.

  But the mail clerk that stopped several feet away to stare made me think that maybe I was kidding myself. I gave her wave.

  “You just keep telling yourself that,” Mattie said. “This is only going to get bigger and bigger.”

  “I’ve got work to do,” I said, making a face and walking away. I rushed to my cubicle and ducked as low as possible, afraid of what I might do if one more person stopped to gawk at me.

  “Trip to Europe, trip to Europe,” I chanted to myself. “Keep your eye on the prize.”

  I was about to pick up the phone when my boss popped his head into my cubicle.

  “Saw you in the paper this morning.”

  Oh God. “Um, yeah.”

  “Look, what you do on your time is none of my business, but you should know that I don’t want this little… thing,” he said, waving his hand, “to affect your work, okay? I can’t have my employees running around expecting some sort of special treatment just because they landed on the front page of the paper once.”

  “Um, yeah. No problem Don. It won’t affect my work, I promise. And I’m sure it will all die down in a day or two.”

  He nodded. “Good. Everybody around here is way too distracted over something so ridiculous.” He walked away.

  Being called ridiculous just made picking up the phone and listening to my messages that much harder. But an hour later, I’d finally finished listening to all the well wishes and I begrudgingly had to admit, I was feeling pretty good about myself by the end of it all. Pretty much everyone I knew had called to tell me how cute I would look standing beside Jake Hall.

  Oh God. Jake Hall. How am I going to meet him without falling all over myself?

  Of course, as I’d listened to the messages, I immediately Googled him and clicked on the first page listed. The screen lit up with a head shot of my completely secret, never tell a soul, movie star crush.

  Jake Hall. Sigh. I am actually going to meet him. I am actually going to spend time with him. I am actually going to make him fall in love with me!

  My screensaver kicked in and thrust me back into reality. “Good Lord, Josie,” I scolded myself. “What are you thinking? You are not going to make him fall in love with you. You are not even going to get him to look in your direction.”

  I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe Calla was right. Maybe I could start a journal to keep myself grounded. I mean, not that there’s really that much danger in my head getting too big. I mean, no matter what Calla says, I am pretty much the hugest dork on the planet.

  I pulled out a small notebook from my office supply stash that would fit nicely into my purse.

  Dear Disaster Diary,

  My name is Josephine McMaster. Josie for short. ‘McMaster the Disaster’ for those of you whom I had the distinct privilege to go to high school with. That pretty much says it all. People always told me how pretty I was, that I could be a model. Of course, that doesn’t do you much good when you walk around with a booger hangin’ out of your nose, or toilet paper stuck to your shoe, or trip over… well, nothing. I know, cliché, but all actual events. Somehow I’ve managed to escape my 26 years without having spinach embarrassingly stuck in my teeth.

  I think.

  Yes. Better. If I ever thought I might be starting to change, I would pull out my book and remind myself just how excruciatingly human I really was. I wrote Disaster Diary at the top of the page and underlined it.

  Twice.

  ~ 3 ~

  I clicked on my email hoping to find a nice little joke or encouraging note from Calla—writing in the disaster diary was kind of depressing—but instead I found a new address in the inbox, [email protected].

  I gasped. Then looked around to make sure nobody had seen me. My first wedding email. It kind of sickened me to realize that I was actually starting to come around to the idea of being a Bridesmaid for Emma VanHorn. I mean, I would be hanging out with the New York glitterati. I might, for a short time even become one of them. What if, even after the wedding was over, my fifteen minutes of fame continued on? What if I became the glitterati!

  Oh Lord. Get out the notebook, you’re going insane.

  I rolled my eyes and opened the email.

  Dear Rebecca, Bob
bi Lynne, Jennifer, and Josephine,

  First off, I’d like to congratulate you all on becoming my Bridesmaids! This is the first of many weekly update emails that you all will receive in your journey as my attendants. I hope to hear regular updates from your end as well. I just wanted to send a quick good luck to you all, but please remember, while we all wish Jake the utmost happiness, always keep in mind what this day is truly about, a celebration of love between my fiancé and myself. In one week’s time you will receive your initiation package that will answer any remaining questions you may have.

  Please find the attached forms which you are required to fill out. You may need assistance with some of the measurements.

  Also attached is your invitation to our engagement party which is being held this weekend. You will need to print it and have it with you the evening of the party as it is closed to the general public. It is a formal occasion, so dress appropriately, and please do try to look your best as the press will be in attendance. I will be wearing red, so I would appreciate if you all would refrain from doing the same.

  In conclusion, congratulations, and I look forward to meeting all of you at the engagement party.

  Your bride,

  Emma VanHorn

  A party already? And formal attire? I couldn’t believe it. How much was this wedding actually going to cost me? I certainly didn’t have the budget for a formal gown by the weekend!

  I groaned out loud. Which of course made Mattie to lean back in his chair and peek into my cubicle.

  “What’s wrong gorgeous? Fame not all it’s cracked up to be?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Come in here, you have got to see this.”

  He jumped up, always willing to take an unscheduled break, and stood behind me. He mumbled quietly aloud as he read the email.

  He sighed. “You are so lucky.”

  “Lucky? I have to find something to wear to this party this weekend. I don’t have the cash for that!” I spun around to face him.

  Mattie shook his head and put his hands on his hips. “Don’t you worry for a second, Mattie’s here. I am officially appointing myself your personal consultant for the duration of this magical experience.”